| "Sundial a Wife: A Short Short Story" (based on real events) |
I used to work at one of those big banks in downtown Chicago when I was in college. It was Continental Bank. I was a janitor. My boss was Willy Thomas. Willy was a tall, skinny black man, well into his sixties. He slurred, lisped, slanged and spoke with no punctuation marks, teeth always clenched. He swore more than anybody I'd ever met. I worked there for a couple of years and I never understood what he was talking about. You could only make out every fifth word. We could be talking about sports, politics, whatever. His responses had nothing to do with the subject.
Me: "How d'you think the Cubs'll do this year?"
Willy: "Fuck'n over huh for dust on tits-a-glass."
See what I mean.
I got tired of constantly asking, "What? What, I didn't understand." The more he'd repeat what he said the less it made sense. Soon, I became the master of the meaningless, non-response. For example:
Willy: "Poop shoot in a jizz blanket oh for a suck mah-tha-fuckah"
Me: "Eh, what'ya going to do?"
Willy: "Y'gotah ease d'cock nah pink onah isside."
Me: "Yeah, what's up with that, Willy?"
Willy was my boss but he was cool. He didn't ask too much of me. We janitors had our duties so Willy pretty much became part of the background.
Willy was unemotional and distant. He never went out with us after work. He took lunch at his desk, which faced a wall in the break room. We could only guess that Willy unclenched his teeth to eat. I didn't tease him like the other guys; it's 'cause of this that I sensed he sort of liked me.
It was time for me to move on. I put in my two weeks notice 'cause I was going try my luck at stand-up comedy. On my last day, Willy called me into his office. He put his hand on my shoulder. He seemed sad to see me go. There was even a little quiver in his voice.
In a whisper he said, "Sundial a wife cunt smacksya eel boner dove hacksya bleed'n whore'ess moist." and that was the last thing Willy ever said to me.
Well, months had passed and I was hard at work on my stand-up routine. At one of my exceptionally bad shows, my jokes and routines being boo'd, hissed, heckled, stared at... everything but laughed at. I was feeling pretty low after my set. Alone backstage I sat and looked out at the air in front of my face and seriously contemplated giving up on this stand-up. Willy's final words popped into my head. He was right and he couldn't have said it any clearer.
"Sundial a wife (Sometimes life) cunt smacksya eel (can make you feel) boner dove (alone and unloved) hacksya bleed'n whore'ess moist." (that's when you have to believe in yourself the most).
I guess, in looking back, my only regret with Willy was that I didn't listen better. I wonder what else he had to say?
Leo Benvenuti
1/18/09
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